Matric Failed Murli Prasad Becomes First Bihari to Top the Taliban Commission Exam, Suspected of Cheating

Tora Bora Caves, Taliban: The laborious students of Bihar were always known to top exams like JEE and UPSC but today a Bihari student has topped the internationally acclaimed UTSC, United Taliban Suicide Commission exam. Murli Prasad, a landlords son from Patna, appeared for the UTSC under the foreign quota but has not only stood first amongst the foreign students but also scored more than any student under the General quota.

Murli Prasad, in a telephonic interview said, “UTSC was always dominated by Kashmiries and we dominated UPSC since the very beginning. But this time a Kashmiri topped that exam as well so we had to answer back. This is indeed a proud moment for me and my state.” Murli explained, “UTSC is conducted worldwide by the Taliban Induction Academy (TIA) and the graduates are placed in all renowned terror outfits like Lashkar-e-Tayyaba, Al-Qaeda, Jaise-e-Mohammad, Indian Mujahideen and Jamaat-ul-Dawa etc.”

On being asked how can he being Hindu join Taliban that was an Islamic outfit, he ridiculed us saying, “Oh no! that’s only from the outside because they are headquartered in an Islamic country, otherwise they believe in giving equal opportunity to all. They do not have any caste based quota like Indian Exams.” He added, “Their placement opportunities are also well balanced. Depending on your religion and choice you could be given a terror mission in Pakistan or India. Now even smaller Indian outfits like Maoists and Naxals are extensively hiring TIA graduates. The recently abolished LTTE had also hired some graduates of TIA but they only got the last day placements and probably the worst students and the result is known to all.” Murli continued, “If you are really good you will be sent on foreign project in US or UK where you are given very handsome stipends and daily allowances along with international media coverage.” Murli said, “I am looking to do good in my assignments and finally become a suicide bomber.” “…My father will be very happy to see me on BBC and CNN.”, an emotional Murli added as tears rolled down his Pan stained face.

Bihar’s eduction and Youth affairs minister, Kachori Sinha, proudly commented in a press conference, “Under the Nitish Kumar Govt. Bihar is progressing and touching new heights every day but given the drop of crime in Bihar the students of Pappu Yadav Academy had to look at other foreign institutions for further studies, otherwise where would our able youth get a job. We did invite UTSC to conduct the exams in our state and in the very first time our lad has done us proud. Apart from Kashmir no other state had ever made it big into the the UTSC but this time it is Bihar all the way.”

Kachori continued, “Our neighbor Uttar Pradesh does not believe in getting placed through these UTSC and has always shown entrepreneurial instincts, particularly the town of Azamgarh. They have given birth to big goons like Abu Salem and many other, with Murli Prasad we have also made a mark in the Global terrorism map.”

Meanwhile, the Rocket Launcher Academy (RLA) of Rawalpindi in Pakistan whose students always topped the UTSC exam, has alleged that Bihar Govt. lobbied to get the test center in Bihar. As a result cheating and other unfair means were rampant during the examination. Sohaib Nakhtar, Director of RLA said, “Murli Prasad is the same student who couldn’t clear his Matric exam, that too of Bihar Board, because of not being able to cheat so how can he clear UTSC. We have asked the Taliban Induction Academy to investigate the matter and carry out a re-exam.”

Last Year's Toppers from RLA

Bin Laden, the chairperson of Taliban said, “We have come to know of the allegations and we are taking the case seriously. Although, we had agreed at setting up a center in Bihar but always feared that like the the Indian Bureaucracy with maximum officers from Bihar and UP, our Taliban Academy might also become lethargic and slow. But now having a topper from that place may be even more dangerous to the existence of our academy as other student will look upto him for inspiration.” He added, “The results will stand affirmative as of now but the final induction has been suspended until the investigation committee gives its report.” It is said that ACP Pradhyuman and Senior Inspector Daya of CID will be handling the investigation once they finish the case of natural disasters on Twitter.

“As a part of induction process even if Murli is cleared by the investigation committee he will have to undergo practical training for 6 months in Taliban before he can appear for final placement. The training is very rigorous and the chair warming Bihari might piss in his pants.” a happy Laden smirked.